Opinion

There was a tale of life and death, which upon ourselves we forgot that we were animals like our ape cousins. We forgot who we really were, slowly fading from our traditional ways. As technology blows over us and sends us distances away from each other. There is nothing more frightening then losing our humanity and our identity. This is a tale of a possible future for us, but still a work of fiction from my imagination I write one alternative to our lives if we continue on this path of destruction consumed within our technological material.
What little we know is what is held for our future. One idea could be the fall of our country. The chaos and blood spread upon the ground. Another idea would be the end of the whole world (but that is unlikely.) If we look at history we can all see a pattern a young 'empire' grow in its strength and spreads its ways of life. What happens after that? There is an ending for it. Why should we fear what future we may have? I feel whatever is being said between our fellow Americans is useless. Of course this is my opinion. I don't believe in an end so easily. What about the racism? Why do we judge each other for being so different? I wonder about that everyday and know no race is superior to the other. We are all equal with equal rights. We should not judge a group for some individual's actions.
This is a touchy subject which is being written upon. If nothing is done what is there left for us? For the future of the offspring? I am opinionated. I only want to show my concern. Though I doubt I could say this out loud, my words will speak for themselves. Tell me where you see where we are going? What I am trying to say...nevermind. Don't mind this...These are just words spewing out of a young adults mouth who shows some concern to what is going on. I mean seriously.

Myself (A poem)

Myself

So...
Why should I change?
I, myself live truth everyday.
Not hiding in shadows from stares of the strange.

Why should I change?
I show the world who I am.
No longer fear the judgement at hand,
I am me and there is no one for me to please,
By Destroying myself is not a life to lead.

So...
Why should I change?
I hold the world accepted in grip.
I respect all without hating it.
There are reasons for change,
But forced I don't support.
And you can't bring it to court.

So let life live as it should,
As you are you,
And I remain me.
So I will not change but evolve in my own way.
I will express to the world what it is that makes me good.

So...
What should I change?


Date: 05/25/20

Ramble Story

What is the world to people? I know my world. People might say its small, but it's really not. If people opened their eyes more they would understand the reality. I might not have seen the whole world, but I have seen some things that changes naive minds. In my own world I live in between two. In the middle. Why do I speak of this? Well I will explain in this ramble...a little story to be shared.


I remember at a florists I used to work at not long ago. I had been working there for three years. There was a young homeless couple and their friends. They had been evicted from their home (not to sure exactly, but they had to leave). The woman whom I got to know over time was pregnant the first time I met her. She would come by every so often and use our restroom. With her was a sign which she used when she stood at the freeway exit just hoping to receive money from people who got off. She was not crazy, she was not unstable. The woman was nice. It was sad how she was the only one who stood with the sign, while her boyfriend (or fiance, not sure) drank a bit with his friends. On my way home from work one night I decided to give her a few bucks. Once I handed it to her she hugged me. It shocked me, but I said nothing and accepted it. It took me a while to understand why she hugged me and was happy for the bit of money. One day she came by and told me she had her child, but had given it up for adoption, which was the best decision. After a certain time we did not see each as much. Suddenly I began seeing them more. I even talked to them a bit more. In a strange manner a 'friendship' developed. When I spoke to her again she told me she was with child again. I even got to see the picture of their first child. After I quit my work I saw them around a few more times and exchanged words with them once or twice, but I have not seen them for a few months. Now I hope for the best.

Why did I tell this story? I am not too certain...it could be because I want to teach a lesson. Or I just wanted to let out this ramble. Whatever you may think the reason is, I hope you enjoy this simple read.

Oh, Beautiful One (A poem)

Oh beautiful one,
I watch you fall into the depths of hell,
Submitting to your fate without a will to fight,
You obey every word commanded of you,
Because love has grasped your heart,
Kidnapping you away from everything,
So loved by you.

Oh beautiful one.
I know you are so far away,
In a distant land, spread out by miles,
Separate from the world that would bloom
Before you on a spring day.
But if you hold your hand out and I will reach for it.
If you wander off, someone will await your return.

Your world feels torn,
But you remain whole, suppressing your spirit.
Beautiful one...could you believe how powerful you are?
But you play the submissive individual fallen from grace.
Left behind in the dust from the rest of time.
Your passion devoured by suppression and restriction.

Oh beautiful one,
You are not veiled from the light,
The world still shines for you through the restricting shadows.
If it be thy will I would unbind the shadows
And help you escape into the day.
But you are still captured by the heart.

Writing Letters {Extended verison}

I never knew I would find myself writing about this today. I thought this would make an interesting blog. I spent my whole life if you believe it or not wondering about my birth mother and father. Always asking my mom the same question over and over again: "Why did she put me up for adoption?" "Do you think she knows about my birth father?" Sometimes it seems stupid to people. You know what now a days I could care less what people have to say to people like me who wonder and search for their birth families. You would think why would the mother care about me now?

It is strange though. I have searched long and hard on the internet for phone numbers and addresses. So many people with the same name in a few states, apparently she traveled a lot. Some of them always led back to the same person. My Birth mother's name and list of family members as well. This included a name that was familiar sounding, which had been my half sister. At the time I did not know. I began this search more thoroughly a couple years back when I saw a....therapist. That was one of the things that inspired me to not give up. {That and my half sister found a post I made online and gave me information so my search was much easier.}

Amazing thing happened in the ending of my senior year. My first letter from my birth mother arrived. (It was in response to my letter I had sent out hoping this time it was to the right person). When I read it, it brought me to tears. (Yeah, yeah cheesy sounding.) It was one of those heart felt, tear jerking moments. The words, I could almost feel certain she had been a shocked as I had been when receiving the letter. I mean I spent so much time looking for her and I finally made contact. It was overwhelming. That was how our exchange of letters began, hand written, emails, you name it. It's amazing how important communication is. Even without spoken words I enjoyed reading what she wrote or typed to me. I thought at first it was awkward and stressed me out. Over time now i have gotten used to talking to her. It has been a few months, a little more then five.

An interesting thing I learned as I wrote to her was the fact she had not known my birth father had died from diabetes. What a fact...That seemed like something important to know. And yet my birth grandma called my house when I was a little girl to tell my family he had passed away...Why did she not know? It still bothers me now, but I re frame from asking her why she hadn't told her own daughter. Over time our letter exchange went to email which was not any less important. It was easier and more convenient for us.

Our Way of Emotions and Expression

Today is the day I will explain what I think about emotions and expression, which play many important roles in our daily lives. Right now I wonder how I can end up in this shitty position of confusion and loss of proper thoughts. I could always take back the words I spoke aloud like a prayer, but that can not be done nor would have I done that because I meant every word I said. I will always stand by my words. So these words, ‘feelings’ are always finding a way into my life especially when I least want them in it. Sometimes I wish emotions would just fade away. Thinking like that never helps anyone. If we had no emotions we become just like glass dolls. Emotions, expression…all of it are part of our lives and a way to see the world from many different views. Visa Versa emotions help our expressiveness, but to express we need those useful emotions.

The strength in ourselves defines our emotional levels. Balanced emotions are like the painting of perfection. The truth is the possibility is limited, to have balanced emotions can be hard to achieve because as humans we are all flawed in some way, which includes emotional balance. To achieve this one must find balance within them in life and know how to control their own feelings. I recently read from “Health: The Basics” by Rebecca J. Donatelle on Psychosocial health that there is certain dimensions or qualities of a well balanced health social person. However even with all that there is still unlikely that we are faced with some quality to improve on. As a human being, emotions need to learn to be controlled properly, just like we need to write correctly.

Think upon how artists and writers describe their world. Their depictions of the emotions are expressed through colors, images, words or poetical sentences of deepest meaning. For being an artist emotion, love of art is required if they wish to gain any success because what is art without real passion? Nothing but emptiness? Through painters they describe through pictures of facial expressions or the postures, even just with color tones. Sometimes emotions can be drawn out from something more.

In a writer’s world it holds certain similarities to that of a painter. Their tools being vocalized words written out. The position of the words can set the foundation of character emotions. Writer’s face the challenge of being able to describe the scene, the appearance and the ideal feeling (dominant feeling), plus something deeper into the pool of that feeling. They can express the character’s confusion that is facing a whirlpool of emotions. Sometimes they even describe emotions by giving inanimate objects human personas. Another type of writer who I consider the master of the art of expressing is the poet. They face the challenge of having to make their emotions or story into forms of poetry that can be read and understand by others. Position themselves for the responsibilities of knowing the poetry forms and rules in which they attempt the flows of emotion into writing.

Emotions and expressing is a challenge because not every person can do it properly and some can. People don’t always have the vocal tools or mind set to stably show how they really feel. Everything in life there is a challenge and we must face it with no fear.

Third Day of My Csun Experience

I will record my thoughts on my third day at the University of Northridge. I will express my concerns without hesitation as to what seems real to me on this. Here, I sit now at a desk lost to the world of Gender Women's study, though honestly I could careless about this class. I see it as something bigger for us women to view a broader spectrum for the future. Though this class is of little interest to me, does not mean it will not later on in its own time mean something to me. It sheds light on the struggle anyone can face themselves. To know our own history and what we went through as a whole gender has its importance for us and for all. People could find this little fact funny, men take this course too. It may show them or of their thoughts, maybe it's something bigger. Assuming could not survive without knowing what the other is thinking because the boundaries of the mind. The capacity to expand thought into others or even consider trying to read others thoughts is ridiculous.

Eight minutes until the beginning of class, the room is full of students and yet there is little sound. It reminded me of the silence in a movie theater and watching and waiting, expecting something worthwhile. It's nice to the extent no one is annoying me, but it is also a tad creepy.I find it completely eerie to be on in here with no voices or the echoes. I can not even imagines voices ever bouncing off the walls earlier. So far introductions was what we have accomplished within the hour I had been in class.

This calstate school system could be improved because it has been falling. Freshmen are being told they can only have four classes. The semester's tuition is up and students can not get all the classes they need. They can not transfer into another class so easily anymore,but instead they have to go into a class and sign up on a waiting list that can possibly have something up 10 people already on it. So right now there is a since of limit. This is a problem because it involves all the cal state colleges. Plus they are not allowing in the same amount of students, and intend to lessen the students they take in Spring. The school this year is testing out its new schedule, which can be not well planned. the expenses some students have to face and commuting to school can add more money and make it difficult. Some in my case have to get up early and go to the bus station and take two buses to get to eight o'clock classes. College is proving to be harder then said by those around me. Not classes are the challenge, but having to get up early and commuting to Csun and being able to afford it. Being able to buy my books and other school supplies.

As for the class it has taken a turn for the better. We have begun a discussion on Feminism and the negatives within it. How the negatives are not correct, but miss given information. Thinking about college and this gender class might not intermix well.It is my thinking of life, it does have a significant connection. Without feminism in the 1920s we wouldn't be able to vote or maybe not be able to attend college. I can say the teacher was right or will be. GWS will and can be applied to any job assortment. I feel it is useful after I go out into the real world. To be honest for once I would want to try and make everyone's life easier at Calstate because of all the class cuts and waiting lists plus the tuition costs going up.